Some of us wonder if people don’t like us. And others wonder why. Is it how you look? Do you smell? Do you talk too much? Are you boring? If you think that attraction boils down to grooming, fashion, and genetics, you’re sorely mistaken. Your personality is just as if not more important than your physical appearance. Sure, maybe you do need to practice better hygiene. But you might also need to practice your social skills. No matter what the internet (and society) might lead you to believe, personal development does not stop at 25. Young or old, there is room for improvement in your life and there always will be. Improving yourself will help you lead a more fulfilling, happier life and it will make your presence more appealing to others in your personal life and your professional life. Here are some quick tips on how to increase your attractiveness through personal development.
#1 Practice Your Conversation Skills
You might be an introvert – someone who doesn’t love socializing – but that’s the only way you’ll make new friends or grow closer to the ones you have. You don’t have to change who you are or stop taking time for yourself entirely, but you should make an effort to improve your social skills. Positive, open body language will make you seem more approachable and engaged. Make eye contact. Lean forward slightly (while still respecting others’ personal space). Smile. Practice active listening instead of simply waiting for your turn to talk. Pay attention to the ideas and emotions that others communicate with you. Acknowledge what they have to say, and don’t interrupt. Find common ground when striking up a conversation. Keep a list of icebreakers in your head to help with small talk. Instead of talking about the weather, can you talk about books, movies, or TV shows? Do you enjoy any local restaurants? Ask questions, especially when the conversation seems to be dying down. Stay on track about something the other person has shown an interest in. You can ask them about what they enjoy, what they think about a certain topic, what they did recently – but always respect others’ personal space and privacy. You could be stunning on the outside, but if these conversation skills don’t come easily to you, you’ll struggle to achieve progress in your personal relationships and your career.
#2 Actively Seek Out Social Settings
If you’re more of an introvert, this one might seem even more difficult than the previous point. But, if you actively avoid people, they’ll notice. You risk appearing disinterested in others, arrogant, rude, and overall unattractive. So, go out and practice those social skills! Again, don’t drain yourself too much by going to parties every weekend, joining a new book club, and beginning a new relationship all at once. Strike a balance in your life between your precious alone time and the time you give to others. The key to this one is actively seeking. Don’t settle for interactions at the grocery store, at work, or at school. Look for opportunities and events to attend. Ask others out for coffee or if they would like some company. As with anything in life, the more you practice, the better you will be.
#3 Practice Composure Don’t Panic
Social situations can be stressful. When your fight or flight response kicks in, try your best to remain calm. Even if your heart is racing or you want to scream, you can take a slow, deep breath, and continue. This emotional intelligence and balance will take practice – but if you can master composure, others will respect and admire you. You can talk about your anxieties and concerns with certain people in your life, but you shouldn’t emotionally dump on everyone or let your anger show. The ability to make decisions with clarity is an admirable one, and others will find you more attractive for being able to keep it together under pressure.
#4 Have No Doubt
A part of being confident is removing self-doubt. This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t reflect on your decisions or admit your mistakes – it means that you shed the weight of worrying about whether you’re good enough. Removing doubt means being fully aware that you are smart enough, capable enough, attractive enough. Trust your judgment. Draw from your experiences and knowledge. Take decisive actions. Stand up for what needs to be done and then do it. These skills will foster your leadership skills – which is a very attractive trait indeed.
#5 Stay Positive
Gratitude is known to improve the overall wellbeing of individuals, and it can also help you reinforce optimism when you’re with others. If you can find joy in the finer details of life, you’ll become an asset rather than a weight. Negativity only works to bring you down. Complaining is unattractive, and pessimism will drive others away. If you always complain – and never do anything about it – you’ll appear helpless and weak. Positivity and a hopeful attitude are attractive traits that you can bring into your life with a little bit of awareness.
#6 Avoid Aggressive Behavior
Are you pushy or controlling? Do you consider yourself a perfectionist? Have you been told you micro-manage? Do you get angry when things don’t go as planned? These traits are not attractive. There are times when you must be assertive, especially if you’re in a leadership position. But there is a clear line between assertive and aggressive. Anger and the threat of violence are huge turn-offs -personally and professionally. Conduct yourself in a manner that respects others. If you exhibit brashness or forcefulness, you’ll find others avoiding you or even resenting you.
#7 Lighten Up
Some light humor is always appreciated especially during an awkward situation – and it shows that you’re not boring. If you take life too seriously, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment when things don’t go as planned. Caution can help keep you out of trouble, but it might also make you seem like a negative nelly who’s never willing to live life on the edge. Take a light-hearted approach to things and you might just make someone laugh. There is a balance between humor and dismissiveness find the balance and don’t be rude. One thing you can do to increase the levity of your conversations is to think about funny stories you can tell. People are naturally captivated by storytelling, and if you can prepare some honest hilarity, everyone will thank you.
#8 Be Dependable
If you always flake out on plans, change your mind last minute, or don’t follow through with your word, people will see you as unreliable. They’ll stop coming to you for important things in their lives and they’ll stop sharing their life with yours. If you struggle with being dependable, try practicing consistency in other areas of your life. Consistency is about following through regularly. Develop routines and healthy habits. Accomplish your goals. Find success by holding yourself accountable. Then, others will hold you accountable as well. People will be more attracted to you if they know they can rely on you. Dependability is an essential quality in a good friend or partner, so you have to step up if you want to form long term relationships in your life.
#9 Be Genuine
If you only pretend to be interested in what other people have to say, they’ll notice. Don’t pretend. Be honest. Insincerity is a huge turn off that will drive others away. Don’t give fake compliments, try to sell yourself, or act overly confident. Be the most authentic version of yourself. You don’t have to try to impress others. The real you is impressive. This honesty you show yourself will shine outwards, and others will feel more attracted to you. Don’t stress over what other people think either – it’s what you think about yourself that matters the most.
#10 Live For Yourself
Obviously, don’t completely forget about other people they matter too. But you are the star of your life. Follow your dreams. Find your passion. Be yourself. What works for other people won’t necessarily work for you. So, stop wanting to transfer yourself into the Instagram feeds and Facebook posts you see online. If you worry about what others think about you (which many people do) you’ll waste your time chasing the approval of others and end up feeling empty inside even after you get it. Instead, focus on the things in your life that bring you joy. Discover who you are and what you love to do. That passion and sense of purpose will attract others to you.
Creating real change in your life, especially concerning your personal development, takes time. If you focus on your goal to maintain a more attractive personality, you will achieve it. As you move through this journey, you’ll find that being charismatic will become easier and easier. Social skills are learned, and your personality today doesn’t have to be your personality ten years from now. Take control of your life, and you’ll find that others will become drawn to you, respect your confidence, and admire your passion.